There is something very funny about women using their creativity to shut down their so-called critics and wannabe critics. Hence, when a male author on Twitter claimed that he can very well portray females through his writings.
A young adult author, Gwen Katz was reading a Twitter conversation initiated through #ownvoices, which is a hashtag created to recommend YA and children’s books “diverse characters written by authors from that same diverse group.”
“I sauntered over, certain he noticed me. I’m hard to miss, I’d like to think – a little tall (but not too tall), a nice set of curves if I do say so myself, pants so impossibly tight that if I had had a credit card in my back pocket you could read the expiration date. The rest of my outfit wasn’t that remarkable, just a few old things I had lying around. You know how it is.”
A male author is insisting that he is living proof that it's possible for a male author to write an authentic female protagonist.
Here's a quote from his first page. pic.twitter.com/f6d5bN2EHq
— Gwen C. Katz (@gwenckatz) March 30, 2018
Whitney Reynolds got a sniff of everything burning the internet down and hence, she challenged the Twitteratis to describe themselves as a male would.
new twitter challenge: describe yourself like a male author would
— Whitney Reynolds (@whitneyarner) April 1, 2018
There are many many women who participated in the challenge but we chose only the gems of the tweet for you.
When words describe you perfectly. *weeps in a corner*
She stood in front of the mirror & ran her hands down her naked body. She could be beautiful. If only she was ten years younger, twenty pounds lighter, & had larger breasts. She sighed. She should have paid for a b**b job instead of all that ice cream. But it was too late now.
— Isla (@Isla_McMahon) April 1, 2018
That explains a lot.
She had a b**t like two buttery brioche rolls and presumably an inner world and job of some kind. https://t.co/kvipWdTRhg
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) April 2, 2018
Male authors do know what they are talking about.
I had big honking teeters, just enormous bosoms, and I thought about them constantly as I walked down the street, using my legs (thick, with big shapely calves), but never not thinking about my enormo honkers, https://t.co/UaCQBchchL
— Talia Lavin (@chick_in_kiev) April 1, 2018
The porcelain skin never fails to impress.
Her china porcelain doll-like skin was sprinkled with freckles, like grains of rice. She often drew her black eyeliner long, like a geisha, as if to further stretch & accentuate her almond shaped slits for eyes. “hey,” she said, the sound for calling upon & honoring her ancesto https://t.co/1sABW07Kqn
— east infection (@efan1014) April 3, 2018
What’s happening here? Such smoothness is unexpected.
She slid her legs into skintight jeans, the better to flaunt their leg-like shape, and strode down a corridor, walking on her legs, which were long. Wow, she thought, my legs are so long. Her breasts jounced their agreement. https://t.co/gOlZkSmK5u
— Samantha Shannon (@say_shannon) April 3, 2018
Focusing more on the roundness of her curves than the power in her voice.
As round as she was loud, she immediately filled the room. My first thought was that I didnt want to f**k her. My second thought was even more disturbing, she didnt seem to care. She contemplated the roundness of her own b***s and contributed something to the meeting. I missed it https://t.co/1uTe0cKCaE
— Ashley Nicole Black Panther (@ashleyn1cole) April 2, 2018
Some of the responses were inspired by famous authors like Jack Kerouac (“Her breasts stuck out straight and true; her little flanks looked delicious”) and George R.R. Martin (“Her small breasts moved freely beneath a painted Dothraki vest”).
Her undersized bosom did not suggest the surprise that on the other side of her was a sizable a*s. He began to think of her body a a mullet. She was business in the front and a party in the back. https://t.co/H2OdY77Pmb
— Sarah Watson (@SarahWatson42) April 2, 2018
Because her gender called to be told who is in the power.
"She referenced a universally-supported legal concept in a political discussion, but due to the nature of her gender, I felt compelled to ensure she understood the concept she was referencing, and I did so by rephrasing, in a corrective tone, what she literally just said." https://t.co/l2Bj3T2IzF
— Charlotte Clymer🏳️🌈 (@cmclymer) April 1, 2018
Too many kinds of pretty to bound yourself to just on one.
She was pretty but the kind of pretty where you have to get to know her to see it. https://t.co/IJV0EBKY4w
— Danielle Sepulveres (@ellesep) April 2, 2018
Almond shaped eyes do look enticing.
I didn’t write one because it’d probably just be about breasts and almond-shaped eyes, but I did draw it out pic.twitter.com/OehvT1IHcn
— Amanda Wong (@amandawtwong) April 1, 2018
These ladies hit the roof to get the description right.
She was beautiful, but she didn’t know it. Soft skin, perfectly round breasts, curvy waist, and an a*s the size of Montana. But there was a sadness in her eyes. There was a darkness inside of her that was begging to be explored. I immediately knew that only I could fix her. https://t.co/jQ9dPc7S9b
— A (@itsaliyandro) April 2, 2018
Crash into her like a darn wave.
As she moved her strong cocoa body gleamed as if calling to the country of Africa. Her chocolate waist moved like an alluring siren calling me to crash on the rocks of her brown buttocks. https://t.co/eY08cAprM1
— Kelechi Okafor (@kelechnekoff) April 2, 2018
It’s quite obvious when a woman says no to you, she is a lesbian. Like, duh.
She had a nice face, I guess, but she was fatter than I usually like in a woman. It didn’t stop me from staring at her a*s, though. Not much in the cleavage department either. When I asked her to come back to my place, she said no. Must be a lesbian. https://t.co/TBNkWV5CbL
— Shannon Purser (@shannonpurser) April 3, 2018
So next time you see a writer being all poetic about a woman’s eyes and they are almond in shape, remember these tweets and chuckle about the pure absurdity of male brains.